A NOTE ABOUT MY NEW SINGLE, HANDS
If you’re reading this, for some reason, I’m lucky enough that you care about my music. I don’t take that for granted. Thank you.
My new single is called Hands. This song is angry. It is. I’m not generally angry… but when I wrote it, I was. This song is my story, but also all my frustration from hearing so many other women’s stories.
You see, I’ve taken a few years off from songwriting.
When I started songwriting, it was so… mine. I played a little keyboard in the basement of my parent’s house, and wrote songs about all the things I was feeling that I didn’t feel like I could say out loud. It was so good for me. I enjoyed music so very much. Imagine… the 90’s… Fiona Apple, Alanis Morissette, Jewel… all these amazing female songwriters bursting through the doors of a male dominated music industry. It was healing, and personal, and good.
But I lost that somewhere along the way.
I lost it a little when I was told I should “get up and dance a little” after a show. (Pretty difficult when you’re playing a piano.)
I lost it a little when I was told not to wear cardigans because they make me look like a “30 some-thing mom”. Oh no... how awful. A 30-something mom. (I am now a 30-something mom, and moms are freaking superheroes.)
I lost it a little when I was shown another female artists music video, by a male member of my own band, as he noted “maybe you could style yourself more like her.”
I lost it a little when I was told I never nailed that line in my vocals for Doll, by the person who was supposed to support me the most.
I lost it a little each time I was ignored by soundmen while they asked my male bandmates questions about our setup… even though it’s my name on the bill.
The list goes on. The pain gets more personal. Deeply personal.
This song is NOT a song about hurting someone. This song is about processing MY OWN hurt.
This song was written as countless #metoo stories flooded our newsfeed, including my own. And as I followed Ke$ha’s legal battle, and watched a documentary about Nina Simone, and Judy Garland. (If you don’t know their stories, it’s worth a night on google.) As I watched women be talked over and disrespected in congress. And victim blamed in court.
This song is about TIMES UP.
I honestly thought I would sit down to write again, and all these wonderful songs about my amazing life would come out, and those are coming… but this was waiting for me. My relationship with music was soured. And as I sat down to write again I was in pain, I was angry, I was hit with the pressure I used to be under by the person I was supposed to trust the most. I was hit with the stories of my closest friends, and women in the news.
So yeah… this song is angry.
I thought about releasing a happier song to go along with this… to relieve some of the tension…
But the tension lives, every day, in the female experience.
I’m not over it yet. I don’t have to be. Hopefully someday. For now, I hope you like Hands. I hope if you’re a woman, and it feels familiar, that it helps you release it… just a little bit.
Thanks for your support.